By showing you the gallows, my intention
Is the alcoholic habit to inhibit
So allow me to direct your condescension
To the rotting corpse that hangs up in the gibbet
You ask who was that fiendish evildoer?
Why, you haven’t heard of Philip Stein the brewer?
He brewed a most insipid ale
That no one sipped or put on sale
His profits barely tipped the scale
He faced financial ruin
So he added poems to the tank
And shredded money from the bank
And lobster tails- but no one drank
No matter what he threw in
And then one night old Charlie Pratt
A drunken worker, dropped his hat
And disappeared into the vat
And with him fortune flew in
Philip Stein the brewer, Philip Stein the brewer
Poor old Charlie fell in with the barley of Philip Stein the brewer
The new beer was a great success
Renowned for its full-bodiedness
I must make more, despite the mess
Said Stein without compunction
The orphanage has a huge supply
Of cast-out children I can buy
I’ll say I need a staff for my
New bottleworks to function
They’d soon lie dead upon his floor
Then right back to the orphanage door
"They’ve all run off- I’ll need some more"
And he’d meet them at the junction
Philip Stein the brewer, Philip Stein the brewer
Poor Hansel and Gretel went into the kettle of Philip Stein the brewer
His golden beer was tinged with rose
A lovely head, a spicy nose
And left a lace from off the clothes
Of some poor little victim
The Temperance Union made it clear
His tavern served all ages beer
“There’s children getting drunk in here!”
And they lobbied to restrict him
And then at last we learned the truth
When someone found a baby tooth
While drinking from the Fountain of Youth
And the coppers came and nicked him
Philip Stein the brewer, Philip Stein the brewer
They found the bones down in the sewer of Philip Stein the brewer
supported by 4 fans who also own “Phillip Stein The Brewer”
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